Transforming My Self-image with Selfies
Awkward pose, bad hair, bad lightning. Filters couldn’t fix me.
I post selfies on social media several times a week, but I never used to post at all. Or if I did they weren’t anything worth liking.
They were an awkward pose, bad hair, bad lightning. Filters couldn’t fix me, at least not in my mind. My self-image was skewed, poor, and completely disfigured. Why would I want to photograph a BEAST?* Easy, because beasts can be beautiful too.
Ever since I was a young girl (I am currently 33) I defined my looks as just okay. On a good day (with good hair and in comfortable clothes) I might even call myself good looking. But very rarely had I ever called myself beautiful, hot, sexy, alluring, etc. And no one else described me that way either (besides subterranean alley creeps who hit on anything, or men).
The most popular compliment was CUTE. I was CUTE. I had a baby face, soft hair, goofy smile, and a posture that resembled a bashful child or one who was holding her pee. Did I mind being called cute, no, I could see it (check me out below in a beanie). But when you get to your thirties cute should only really apply to pets, babies, and anything miniature. I had settled for OKAY.
Now you might say, “What’s wrong with being cute, Alicia. Cute is good, or okay, okay is basically a yes.” Well, I would ask, would cute be good for you?
But wait! Even the question is WRONG. The acceptance of others wasn’t what I was seeking.
The end goal for me was not for others to think I’m okay or beautiful or sexy, because honestly their opinions will change, the end goal for me was for ME to call myself beautiful, more importantly for me to BELIEVE it.
I’m sure you’ve heard of fake it to make it. Everyone preaches it when Monday rolls around and you’re still recovering from the weekend. Just fake a smile and by Wednesday you might actually be smiling. Here’s the issue with faking. If ‘faking it’ lead to ‘believing it’ then why would you need to fake it again by next Monday?
I decided I wasn’t going to fake feeling beautiful, but actually work towards believing it.
I like to solve things. (Bare with me, I’m not digressing.) If you tell me you don’t have time to fit in breakfast every morning I enjoy asking questions that might lead to a solution or reorganizing your schedule to achieve what you’d like. And so I kept thinking there must be a way to apply this skill. The takeaway was using a skill I possessed to further my goal. Just thinking it wasn’t going to make it true but action could.
You see I wasn’t born organized, or having the skill to help others with time management, it was something I learned, I practiced (for more than a decade in fact). Bingo! I figured out a strategy. If I work toward my self-image by approaching it as something that needed practice, soon enough I would believe it, and once I believed it, others would too. I approached it systematically because that’s the person I am.
Tell me, is there something you’re good at that’s taken time, or years even, to become an expert at? How about driving? If you drive, someone gave you a permit at 16 and said, “Here, go on the road behind the wheel of a powerful machine.” And you probably jumped for joy. Finally! And later, if you were like me, you’ve crashed, hit a bumper, someone’s hit you, you drove into a tree, (you forgot to signal and someone cussed you out) whatever, whatever. POINT IS you weren’t an expert but you were excited to do it anyway.
And if I asked you now, are you a great driver, what would you reply? Yes Alicia I’m excellent. OR you might tell your insurance agency, I’m an excellent driver. Lower my rate! There you go ‘faking it’ again. Except you no longer need to fake it because you practice driving daily and you KNOW IT. You now believe you’re a great driver because you can see your results. That’s how I’m transforming my self-image.
Here’s what you came for. I made a plan. I wanted to reconstruct my self-image and believe I’m beautiful. Not just one day of the week, not just behind outfits and makeup, but EVERY DAY.
For some people that means going out shopping for clothes that fit our proportions. Or working out (see the bathroom selfie of my ‘little potato’). And although those are effective, I wanted to focus on something I see everyday, that’s in my pocket, that I view for work, for pleasure, to cure boredom. My phone, SELFIES. Most especially on Instagram or simply my camera roll. Images are powerful.
(And dangerous. Check out this article by Live Life Get Active, for a concise list of the dangers.)
But if you remember, I said earlier that all my selfies were an awkward pose, bad hair, bad lighting, so what did I do?
I modeled myself after people I admired on Instagram. I asked myself what made the images attractive to me. Lighting, composition, emotion.
I began watching YouTube videos on how to angle my face for a flattering feel, what lighting is best to highlight features, what to think about to convey emotion through my eyes, my posture, and gestures. I was the student here again.
Once I educated myself enough, I scheduled time to take selfies, fifteen minutes, a half hour. And not one, or ten, but MANY. As many as it took to find that one that I loved. I didn’t stop there.
I asked myself why I loved them. “Because it was guaranteed to receive x likes on Instagram, Alicia?” NO. Definitely not. I loved them because the selfies captured what I was thinking and feeling — I was beautiful. I saved the images. And I did it again. I did it so often that I became familiar with my face, my body. Immersed in my wrinkles and pooches.
It didn’t take long before I had a camera-roll of images where I found myself attractive. Was there some psychological magic behind it? Maybe. Either way, I took those selfies and placed them on Instagram, on Facebook, as the wallpaper to my phone. Soon enough it felt like I was everywhere. I amplified my self exposure to myself.
Take a photo of me now and I might look like a sweaty wreck, exhausted, or a beast, (maybe I woke up like that) but you know what, I know I’m beautiful, I’ve seen it. I see it. Something might be wrong with that camera because nothing is wrong here.
*I am not actually a beast. But many people battle with a distorted self-image or low self-esteem. I know I have and probably will for a very long time.
But diversity makes us beautiful. And embracing who we are and what we look like is on such another level of beauty, it’s in no competition with anyone else.
That said, the power and our use of social media is such a hot take and has been for years. I would love to chat on its effect on our self-esteem, self-image, or state of mind.
