To delete or not delete your dating profile? 2011 vs. 2021
I ask myself this question too often.
Back in 2011 when I caught my mother on eharmony I judged online dating as for the old or lonely. My mother wasn’t old or lonely. In fact, after her divorce around the time when I was eight, she had lived decades of her life simply focusing on her work and children. DECADES. Now if you think you need to date by all means date but this post will focus on my viewpoint about online dating with a decade in between.
Twenty Eleven
So I walked in on my mother checking her eharmony profile and we had that whole awkward two minutes where both of us wished that never happened. But it did. What I learned from my mother and from creating my own online profile on match.com was that online dating was necessary if you wanted to maximize your dating potential.
The positives of online dating in 2011 were:
meeting people outside of your circle
adjusting your preferences without looking like a discriminating asshat
profiles packed with information; enough to make a quality decision on whether you’d last more than two months.
plenty of engagement, albeit not always the best kind.
Twenty Twenty-One
Most of my personal data comes from last year but I am still on dating websites like okcupid (okc) and bumble. [update: deleted bumble // not sorry]
The positives of online dating now are extremely hard to find. Here’s the sitch. And I’m going to give it to you honestly. Dating online right now and dating online during the Covid-19 pandemic is/was brutal.
The pandemic either heightened the emotional investment in textual and virtual dating or it made it so completely fake. If you’ve read this far then you absolutely agree. If you’re looking for a reason to not delete your online dating profile then read on.
“There are ghosts in the machines.”
Look, ultimately online dating sucks. I said it. Most don’t want to admit it. I mean even me, as dedicated as I am to reading profiles, can admit that I’ve been swipe happy on more than one occasion and accidentally swiped left when I meant to think on it more. Whoops. Sometimes that’s for the best. But the point is that someone has probably passed on you.
Also profiles never get deleted. I don’t care what the company tells you. “There are ghosts in the machines.” Ty I, Robot. This is why if I can I delete all or most of my images and content before I delete my profile. As a, you know, nice way to tell new users that I’m not actually there anymore and if you see this message then the company is fooling you, run! Yes, I am that thoughtful in person too.
Online dating has gotten harder. And more fake. And less words. And more filters. I hate you Snapchat for starting that fad. And even when you find someone the likelihood of the spark surviving the hailstorm of real life is marginally so low that why even try?
Here’s why. Because despite all the bullshit I just said, online dating still offers the potential to meet new people. Imagine it this way: It’s like idling your car in a mall parking lot [Pre-Pandemic] waiting for a great parking space to open up. You wait. A minute passes. More minutes pass. You wonder if you’re looking like an idiot for waiting. Maybe you are or maybe you’re not. But you made the decision to wait so you’re in control. If it so happens that in that last minute a space opens up then good for you. If it doesn’t, it shouldn’t stop you from trying that strategy again.
Delete your profile if you don’t want to look like the idiot waiting for a parking spot that never comes. But if there’s even a marginal feeling inside of you that believes you could meet a potential date online then keep the profile. In the meantime place most of your bets on 2021 opening up bars, restaurants, pretty much any public place where we can actually meet people again. Hopefully we haven’t forgotten how to speak outside of a list of questions and emojis.
Till next time friends!
P.s. my analogies are the greatest ;)
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