No one grows up knowing how to parent — including stay-at-home-dads
Why a recent article had my cackles rising.
Stay-at-home-dads are feeling judged and afraid to state their occupation. Pardon me if I don’t immediately cry “aw poor you.” But come on, don’t we live in a patriarchal society where women have been pigeon-holed into raising children and doing housework, because that’s all they’re good at? Pardon me if stay-at-home-dads don’t get a warm reception. It might have something to do with the fact that the patriarchal society sets everyone up with distorted views on the topic of who should be the breadwinner and who should stay at home— these views are ancient. So are changing tables in only female restrooms.
But I’m an empathetic person, really. I care that these stereotypes exist. In the media men are often shown as unsuccessful dads daddying and not so many instances of the opposite. Obviously this is an issue because it reinforces beliefs that depending on your gender you’re either better or worse-engineered to be a parent or to handle domestic work. Which of course isn’t true and has no science to back whatever claim assumed from a laundry commercial.
However, what had my cackles rising were some comments made in a recent article covering stay-at-home dads. “I find myself feeling like I need to explain to you that I’m not just folding laundry and cooking dinner and going grocery shopping. I’ve got other stuff I’m doing.” This goes back to society perceiving domestic work, as not work at all. The fact that this stay-at-home-dad feels he must explain that he’s not just doing laundry or just doing cooking, is what’s upsetting and unnecessary.
“Fathers themselves don’t always feel equipped to be full-time dads — not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t feel they have the knowledge or skills to do it, or [because they feel] that the mother is more naturally suited to doing this…” Excuse me, but no one grows up knowing how to parent, just as not everyone is suited to be a parent. If someone is keen on doing any occupation it requires some form of education. Dads don’t want to be dads because they’re afraid they won’t know what to do? And women do?
The article uncovers a handful of root problems— the perception society has over what we consider work, what we consider respectful work, whether or not someone must work in order to provide societal value, and what we expect or don’t expect of genders. I encourage you to read and share thoughts.
