I struggled with negative thoughts — so I tossed the TV.
My mental health vs. Hulu, Netflix, and Prime.
I don’t watch TV. This is usually hard for people to understand. They will ask if I subscribe to Netflix or Amazon Prime or Hulu. No I do not. I don’t watch TV.
I don’t do so because as much as I loved watching TV growing up I realized two things about myself.
One: I obsessed TV.
Ever since I was seven I wanted to sleep by the sound of the TV and rise to the sound of TV. To the point where I would whine to my mother when she would turn off the TV while I was still watching.
That white crackling noise put me to bed many nights.
I woke around 5 am for cartoons and stayed awake past midnight for all the comedy, late night, and anime shows. I even kept a list, similar to a TV guide, beside my nightstand of all my favorite showtimes and channels.
Why all the obsession? Because I was sad. Because I didn’t think my life was great. Because the people on TV had way better lives than I had and I didn’t feel so sad or alone if I could imagine myself as them.
Two: with TV I could escape and pretend.
You see as long as my favorite characters were moving forward in their lives I felt like I was too. Not so much that their accomplishments were my accomplishments but that their happy was my happy. It filled my happy tank. Or at least, it felt like it did.
The problem with relying on TV for happiness is that eventually seasons and series end.
Like some addict without a fix, when the story and characters would end, my need increased.
So I binge watch another show. And while these fictional characters have conquered wars, raised families, won competitions, and fulfilled their goals, I was losing vital hours of my life.
TV never helped with unpacking the things that bothered me throughout the day. TV never helped me reach for the relationships I wanted. Or for the projects I was interested in trying.
TV, like books, were to my sad mind, an escape. A way of forgetting or avoiding.
Most importantly TV didn’t help me reach that emotional internal growth that I needed to get.
When I removed TV and subscription services from my life I was able to choose what filtered into my visual and audio space.
Instead of TV I fill my life with positive music, which picks me up on sad days. I fill my space with YouTube coaching videos, which help me tackle things I want to learn like confidence, writing, entrepreneurship, makeup, crafting, art, womanhood, and faith. I read life articles and blogs that motivate and inspire my goals. I have deeper conversations with people about their families, schooling, and dreams.
Nowadays I can choose whether or not to watch TV without becoming obsessive. I realized the holes that TV never filled. I have built up enough of a life to be able to turn off the TV and get back to that life.
Nowadays I am selective with what I choose to watch and why I am watching it. Even if it’s just mind numbing entertainment, it really isn’t, and I had to learn to answer honestly. Is TV helping me today or keeping me from things?
