I hate paying bills. But maybe you’re rich.
LATE PAYMENT DUE is one of THEE SCARIEST subject lines in my inbox —
I pride myself on being on top of things but for some reason I end up in the same boat: making a mad dash to pay my bills on time.
Of course I wasn’t always this way. I was raised by a Virgo mother and learned to balance a checkbook at home and at school. I acquired my first credit card as a teenager and today maintain a credit score that the bureaus consider ‘good’. I think it’s very good.
But give me a paycheck and twenty separate bills to pay on twenty separate dates and I’m either missing one or refusing to pay another. I can and can’t help it. Even with alerts set up, a typical month will go like this —
An alarm chimes on my cellphone: Your bill is due. OK. Got it.
An email is sent describing the bill and requesting payment. Yep. I know that.
A text message arrives: Your bill is due. Really??
Time passes…And suddenly I’m late to paying my bill.
This has happened to me as recent as yesterday.
Why do I do this to myself?
I like to feel rich.
I am completely guilty of this, waiting, waiting, waiting until the last moment until I’m forced to push send and physically feel the money leave my bank account.
Technically I’m not rich. Technically I’m working class — considering all the debt I have is ten times greater than whatever’s in my bank account. What’s ironic is that holding on to my money is what causes the late fees to rack up which causes me to have to pay even more money in fees, making me even more broke. But attempting to feel rich isn’t my only problem…
Afraid To Look.
I don’t know about you but I imagine this late payment monster to be the size of King Kong and Godzilla put together. It’s the primary reason why I put off checking whether or not a payment is due. Or even paying it once it’s late.
If I’m owing a late fee of just thirty dollars, for some reason in my mind I make it into 300 and three hundred would hurt me much more than 30 dollars. So to avoid that hurt I ignore it.
I justify it by saying, “I can’t pay that ‘late thing’ right now because my rent and car note are coming up and I need all my funds for that.”
But the reality is I’m seeing it for what it isn’t and not for what it is (Thank You Tony Robbins).
This KONGZILLA I created in my head doesn’t exist. The thirty dollar fee, won’t magically turn into 300 in a second. My anxiety just happened to creep up and, in order to save myself from the emotions, my mind decided to create a reason for me to avoid the issue entirely.
Bills are hard. But they aren’t KONGZILLAs. The real problem is they can turn into them if we avoid them. Goody for us that in this day and age automated payments are being used more and more.
But I don’t use automated for everything because to be entirely honest I should have never made fun of my aunt back in ’99 for not putting any of her info on the internet because now I’m that scaredy-cat generation that doesn’t feel safe enough to have all institutions reach into my pocket.
Not Emotionally Ready.
Let’s face it, we’re not always in the mood to pay bills. Is that even a mood?
I hate the fact that most of my income goes to rent and insurance. I mean I’m getting charged to be alive and carve out a little piece of space so that I can breathe. (This is my only vent, promise.)
When we’re not in the right state of mind, doing the small stuff is fucking hard.
Raise your hand if you already balance other mental and emotional issues 🙋♀️.
Paying bills might as well be left to the gods. Paying bills forces us to be vulnerable with ourselves. To remember what it is that we earn every week or bi-weekly (and whether we are happy with that), to be reminded of our school loans, or a debt we’re ignoring. To realize that we may not be as comfortable with our savings as we thought we were.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not rich by society’s standards. But I refuse to let that bog me down. Yes I hate paying bills but I know I earn enough to cover them and you probably do too (with a little extra magic, maneuvering, and side hustles).
So I’ve set a goal to be less frightened of that dreaded late payment notification and of automated payments.
I have officially converted my internet to be automated! (Self high-five.)
I also can’t forget to remind myself that others don’t have the privilege of worrying about this and to remember to breathe because I can handle it, have handled it. And though I may not be perfect, I can still be better than yesterday.
