A list of five things I am afraid to try but wish I did.

This list goes in reverse from least scary to scary scary.

1. Investing.
2. Single dates.
3. Automated payments.
4. Outdoor decorations.
5. Walking up to my crush and asking them out.

Investing.

Everyone says to do it. But should I? Here’s the issue, everyone who says to do it is financially well off already because of it. Or just financially well off. And though that should make sense because who takes doctor advice from people who are not doctors (Right? you don’t Google diagnose, right?) I’m still frightened placing hundreds or thousands of dollars into an abstract thing.

So I Google. So I ask normal people who invest. So I read up on the monster so he doesn’t sound so scary. And usually by the end of it I reach a point when I decided that I will invest and the farthest I’ve gotten was downloading an app. Why isn’t this easier?

Single dates.

Doesn’t everyone have that one friend who goes everywhere intentionally alone? Not me. And not like me. I go alone because I have no other choice. Given that now we are in a pandemic and probably will be social distancing until late 2021 I can’t see this subject getting easier. How do I waltz into a cafe nonchalantly, or a movie theater? Which aren’t even open. Not like the world gives a shit if I suddenly go on Disney plus alone.

Single dates are mostly meant to show the world that you are celebrating singlehood. If a single tree falls in the woods and no one’s around to hear it…you know how the story goes…

So I’m left to narrate my singlehood on Instagram stories. Watch out bottle of wine.

Automated Payments.

I need to applaud myself a bit with this one because I have signed up for at least one automated payment as I promised I would on a previous blog post. But if I sign up to just one every thirty years I don’t consider that an accomplishment.

It’s still not cool having someone reach into my pocket and take money.

But I want to be better. Help me be okay with this.

I wonder if I should just imagine myself a lavish celebrity delegating the task to my personal assistant who happens to hold all my passwords and credit cards. Like that doesn’t give me anxiety. It’s easy for rich celebrities. They can file a lawsuit and win if someone runs away with their personal info.

Outdoor decorations.

This might be the silliest on my list but when I go on walks I gush over outdoor decor. I would love to be one of those renters that takes an evening out of their week and sets up a beautiful holiday display. It’s like these people missed their visual merchandising calling in the Big Apple.

How does everyone power their outdoor lights? Is my biggest question.

I feel like the only idiot who can’t find the outdoor outlet. Surely all these decorative people know and use their outdoor outlet. They can’t be powering all their pretty lights on a solar box? If so, where can I get this solar box?

I once creeped up on an apartment that showed the ugly of decorating. They must’ve obviously been novice at outdoor decorations because their wires were showing and extension cords and it all led to a jammed section inside a porch screen door which they couldn’t close completely because of the wires. I don’t want to be these people. And so I walk past pretty homes and sigh. Or just stand there, just outside their property line, for an awkwardly long amount of time admiring.

Walking up to my crush and asking them out.

Honestly I’ve done this so many times in the past that I’m emotionally scarred. I’m not afraid of the person or the walking up to them part. I’m not even afraid of rejection. It’s the pain after rejection that sucks.

It’s like jumping out of a plane with no parachute. Yeah the jump is cool and the sudden rush and excitement (if you’re into that) but ultimately you’re going to hit the ground and depending on how high you were it will be painful. Deadly even.

That’s why even with all the practice I’ve had with doing this I’m still afraid of it.

And then there’s the part of me that justifies the not doing it. Like when I find out their straight. Or I find out their coupled up. My brain will say, “see now aren’t you glad I made you awkward?” Damn right, let’s wait for an anvil instead.

A list of five things I’m afraid to try but wish I did is a scary list to me but to you it could be a piece of cake. Maybe you have a different set of five things that I would find a piece of cake? Like public speaking.

But on a positive note making this list really helped me put into perspective how I prioritize fears and therefore how I subconsciously manage risk. I also realized while writing that the biggest thing I am actually afraid of is embarrassment. So I plan on working on that.

If everything fails at the very least there are lessons to be learned and therefore shared with others.

Bye friends!