3 massive reasons you’re not ready for a romantic relationship
1. You believe you cannot attain a life of abundance or joy without a romantic partner
This is the biggest reason in my opinion and the hardest for people to swallow. All our lives we have been fed stories, movies, songs and history that led us to believe we need someone else in order to live a life of abundance and joy. Adam had Eve. Thelma had Louise. Tommy had Chuckie. Snow White had seven dwarves. What I mean is we don’t see someone end the credits alone. And this portrayal isn’t just in literature but in science too.
From psychology we were taught that the human psyche cannot survive alone. There is a need within the human species to socialize or else we perish, simply picture Tom Hanks without Wilson in Cast Away. We have also learned that the human species evolved to rely on each other for success. And we ourselves literally learned these things as early as the womb.
So why the heck as adults would we think otherwise?
The problem is not in the facts. I do believe we need social interactions and connections to survive healthily and joyously but what we actually hear when we learn this is “your life is not a success and you shall die alone and unloved unless you find a partner.” We associate the social interaction and connection part to mean romantic partnership. But that isn’t true. Social connection can but does not equal romantic partnership.
2. You want someone to be financially responsible for (or you enjoy the role of caretaker)
We either give because we know others need or we give because giving gives us pleasure. I will be the first to admit that I used to measure my worth by what I can accomplish for others. By doing this I wasn’t just getting a shot of serotonin but also an ego boost.
However, there are many people unaware of the true reasons behind wanting to caretake or wanting to financially provide.
Mind you there is nothing intrinsically wrong or bad about providing or caretaking. Unfortunately many broken people seek romantic partnerships to fill these roles out of a sense of insecurity or low self-worth. They give to fulfill a need and deny the reason that it is actually a cover for unresolved healing.
3. You have too much free time (or too little time) on your hands
Having too much time and having no time at all is a choice. Both of them double back to a couple of issues.
You can blame others for not having friends, or a social life, or hobbies, or desires, or interests, or passions or something to fill up your abundance of free time but you would be lying to yourself. The real reason you have so much time on your hands is either because you are lazy, enjoy the comfort of not having any responsibilities nor want them, or you are in need of deep healing and finding of a purpose or motivation for your life.
Ergo, many with too much free time on their hands are busy scrolling through dating apps, swiping left and right, buying new outfits, making unnecessary purchases to pursue a romantic relationship to fill the literal void in their lives. Error. Having too much time on your hands is not a reason to fill it with a relationship. Instead, it is in your best interest to find a passion, find your purpose, invest in yourself and/or in your hobbies. Within these investments you shall find that abundance and joy can come without a romantic partnership. That they can coexist but do not codependently exist.
Opposingly, having too little time is just a bullshit way to cover that you’re unwilling to carve out time in your life for a romantic relationship but also that you lack skills like time management, multitasking, and priority proficiency.
We don’t do this enough — Before you reach for that romantic relationship, cultivate enough platonic relationships
Many people go about their lives without creating solid enriching social connections which are vital to increasing abundance and joy. Many people also feel alone even when they are not alone because of their poor social connections.
Quality platonic relationships are what need to be cultivated before a romantic relationship. And the level of connection needed and quantity of these connections varies by person. This of course needs to be analyzed and determined by you.
Lastly, if you find that you want a deeper social connection but not the other things involved in a romantic partnership then you have your answer. Cultivate those deep social connections first then move closer to seeking your romantic partnership.
Guys, thanks so much for reading my latest post. Please follow and read Alicia Alcantara-Narrea for relationship, health, and money advice and curiosities.
Knowledge, shared, is power.
Until next time,
Bye friends 👋
